True Happiness

"True happiness is not having to have things any certain way in order to be happy."
-author in question

(I honesty do not know if it is “my” quote or an incarnation of something I read somewhere; but nevertheless....)

How does one achieve such a far-fetched, Disney-esque disposition?

This notion came to me while driving to Golden Bridge on the 101 freeway in a slow-going Thursday evening commute. The traffic was unusually thick and the distance generous, but I sailed along even when the car could do no more than nudge. I can recall however, occasions when I had more time to spare, less distance to travel and more elbow room in which to do it, yet routinely found myself knotted up; ready to plow through two cars at a time, to end it already!

I am sure my angst in those moments had more to do with whatever circumstances the day had gifted rather than the actual travel situation. But that seems to be the way it works with us mere mortals; when we are not paying close attention to the individual moments that make up our lives - experiencing them as they arise and then letting them go as they inevitably do - they all mange to run together and crash land onto each other when we least expect, or can handle it.

Eventually an early morning square-off around what a sixth grader is and is not allowed to wear to school, on top of the afternoon finger-pointing extravaganza at the office, bleeds into a minor maneuvering on the highway, ending in dented front and rear bumpers, threatening “mean mug” expressions and rising insurance premiums.

Having each moment be its own experience so that the next moment can take its rightful place, is the gift that meditation can give. It allows us to “Be Here Now” as Ram Dass so artfully put it.

When we practice sitting, we do so moment to moment. Each breath we take is it’s own and never carries over into, or bundles itself up with the next breath. In the practice of meditation we learn to be here now so we don’t have to be there later, wondering how it all got so out of control.

I think you will find that this approach can make you, your life, and your commutes (physical, emotional and spiritual) much, much happier.

On Physical and Emotional Wellbeing

The body holds the mind just as the mind contains the body. Deep feelings of loss and pain are recorded in the tissues of the body as well as in the mind. In deep quietude the mind can free the body of its holding, just as in deep grounding and surrender the body can unlock the deepest secrets of the mind.

-Stephen Levine, A Gradual Awakening

What are the Brahmavihāras?

Brahmavihāra (Pali and Sanskrit) "Brahma" means great, holy, supreme, sublime, exalted, and divine. "Vihara" is a place, an abode, and also an attitude of mind. When put together, "Brahmaviharā" means the psychological abiding place of the spiritually developed, of those who are exemplary.

A loose translation of the word that spoke directly to my heart upon hearing it at a recent meditation retreat was “Best Home”

The Brahmaviharā are also called the "Four Immeasurables," or "the four sublime attitudes (loving-kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy and equanimity)" and are Buddhist virtues that anyone can cultivate endlessly - that is, without limits - as good qualities to possess in good measure. These virtues are also highly regarded as powerful antidotes to those negative mental states (non-virtues) like avarice, anger, pride and so on.

Metta: loving-kindness towards all; the hope that a person will be well; loving kindness is "the wish that all sentient beings, without any exception, be happy."

Karuna: compassion; the hope that a person's sufferings will diminish; compassion is the "wish for all sentient beings to be free from suffering."

Mudita: altruistic joy in the accomplishments of a person, oneself or other; sympathetic joy, "is the wholesome attitude of rejoicing in the happiness and virtues of all sentient beings."

Upekkha: equanimity, or learning to accept both loss and gain, praise and blame, success and failure with detachment, equally, for oneself and for others; equanimity means "not to distinguish between friend, enemy or stranger, but regard every sentient being as equal. It is a clear-minded tranquil state of mind - not being overpowered by delusions, mental dullness or agitation."

Metta and Karuna are both hopes for the future (leading, where possible, to action aimed at realizing those hopes), while Mudita and Upekkha are attitudes to what has already happened, but also having consequences for future action.

The Brahmaviharā are an ancient fourfold Buddhist meditational practice, the cultivation of which is said to have many beneficial effects on the practitioner as well as all beings to whom this good will is directed. The meditator is instructed to radiate out to all beings in all directions the mental states of 1) loving-kindness or benevolence; 2) compassion; 3) sympathetic joy; and 4) equanimity. Because the "beaming out" of these four positive attitudes proceeds in absolutely all directions, leaving no part of the world untouched by them, it is impossible to measure the universal extent of their reach.